How I See Myself in SUGA | Agust D

Welcome to Golden Dragon, a newsletter by Eric Diep about Asians in hip-hop and my takes on trending topics in AAPI pop culture. Golden Dragon is a rotation of interviews, reviews, news, critical perspectives, and random blogs about music I recommend.

In Today’s Newsletter:

• My reflections on SUGA after watching SUGA: Road to D-DAY

• I joined the ARMY at a #D_DAY_THEMOVIE screening in Dallas

“When I turned 20, I thought, ‘What are my 20s gonna be like? It’s gonna be so fun.’ When I think of my 30s, I see nothing,” - SUGA in SUGA: Road to D-DAY

In hip-hop, age ain’t nothing but a number.

While watching SUGA: Road to D-DAY in preparation for SUGA | Agust D Tour 'D-Day' The Movie, my girlfriend commented that SUGA talks like a 30-year-old version of me. In the documentary, the BTS member is filmed recording his solo album D-DAY as he travels from Seoul to Tokyo, Las Vegas, and beyond. SUGA is up close and personal, sharing his raw thoughts on songwriting as he struggles to find new stories to draw inspiration before turning 30.

He is anxious about the success of his rap alter ego Agust D. After being part of the South Korean superband BTS, whose all-English singles “Dynamite” and “Butter” topped the Billboard Hot 100 charts for weeks, he had his work cut out for him. He broke down Agust D’s mixtapes as D-1 expressing his insecurities, D-2 talking about his past and present, and D-Day is a general overview of those themes combined.

“I’ve grown up quicker than others,” he said. “But I didn’t want to grow up. What I wanted was to keep dreaming, I used to tell the BTS members, ‘You become an adult the moment you stop dreaming.’ I used to say that. And I don't have any dreams now. Now I ask myself, ‘What do I need to dream of?’”

I related to SUGA’s idea of chasing a dream because a dream will consume you until you make it a reality. I remember chasing mine in hopes of landing a job at a rap magazine in New York and it happened after grinding for what felt like forever. SUGA’s worries about having more fun in life and treating songwriting as a 9-to-5 job are the same things I say just applied to my world of hip-hop journalism. I wrestle with the same issues I did in my early 30s. How do I enjoy my free time more? How do I write every day? What’s my next dream?

He asks in one scene, ”What do you do when you’re over 30? Do I have to keep working? I don’t think I can keep this up anymore.” Vulnerability in the public eye is not something you see from a K-pop idol often, and it takes a lot to admit that you’re unsure about sustaining your creativity at a high level. His journey of finding inspiration ignites a spark as drafts of songs get completed and he starts formulating the meaning of D-DAY.

In between live performances of “AMYGDALA,” “People Pt. 2,” and “Haegeum,” SUGA begins to realize that longevity speaks to him. The pressures of not letting down his fans lessened after meeting one of his idols, the late Oscar-winning composer Ryuichi Sakamoto, and he began imagining what kind of musician he’d be in his 50s and 60s. At that moment, it felt like his story was finally coming together.

“What do you think are the chances of a totally controllable future arriving? There’s a high chance that the future you dreaded never happens. This is the story I wanted to share with you,” he says as the doc concludes.

“People always worry about the uncertainty of the future. They fear it. And they’re distressed over the past that they can’t change. But the only thing you can control is the present. I want to share stories that focus on the present.”

DALLAS 2024.04.13

I’m sitting in a sparsely filled theater at the AMC NorthPark 15, surveying the audience from jubilant BTS fans to older people with their families. I notice a couple enjoying the Saturday matinee while on a date. I have no expectations going into 'D-Day' The Movie, which runs one hour and 24 minutes long. I’m curious how these D-DAY songs will translate in Seoul at the KSPO Dome. I’m wondering if SUGA’s previous doubts are due to overthinking, a tendency I have when contemplating difficult decisions. What does the stage, the concert environment, and interacting with the fans do to him? Do all these worries he shared in SUGA: Road to D-DAY vanish?